Happiness is a decision

I am 40-something, unattached, childless, moderately fit, moderately sociable, living in a house that needs constant attention, driving a mid-priced gas-guzzling car, making a roller coaster living. And I am really happy.

Not more than 10 years ago, I had basically the same life, but I was pretty miserable. No, I didn’t find inner peace through meditation or religion or even read a lot of self-help books and learn to love myself. Plain and simple, I just started living.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted everything that I didn’t have. I’ve carried around a vision of the way my life should be one day – the husband, the kids, the creatively decorated house, the glamorous job and the trips that we would all take. And until my life caught up with my dreams, I just killed time waiting for the good stuff to come along.

Granted, everybody bides their time at some point – an hour before the party starts, the Friday before your week-long vacation, the week before you move on to a new job. But how many people realize that they’ve probably wasted years waiting for their lives to begin?

How many times have you heard “I’m not going to get too attached to him because I know he’s not right for me (I’m just killing time with him until Mr. Right comes along)”? Or, I’m not going to fix up my apartment because I’m going to be able to afford a house next year (I’ll be miserable in this dump until I can move into the castle)”?

That brings me to the happiness part. Living life halfway, with one eye on the present and one eye on the future is no way to be happy (and it’s a good way to become cross-eyed). Until a few years ago, I thought a better job would make me fulfilled, a trip to Club Med would make me a whole and relaxed person and a lot of money would buy me the possessions for which I longed. Though I hardly deny that any of these things would cause a definite spike in my joy graph, now I know that living life in the “here and now” is a joyful experience in itself. I now take time to figure out what little things make me happy and I do them, a lot if possible.

For example, I now know that ordering Chinese for dinner and eating it in front of a movie relaxes me, and so I give into that little piece of happiness at least once a month. I also realize that going to every social gathering that I’m invited to – just to increase my chances of meeting Mr. Right – is not a pleasurable use of my time. So I only go when I really want to go. I’ve chosen not to sacrifice present pleasure for the off-chance that it will lead to something in the future.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everyone should settle for what they have and be happy with it. There are still many things in my life for which I strive. The difference is that I no longer wait for these events to happen; I work to make them happen and enjoy the “in between” time until they do. When I start feeling restless, I now plan short trips alone instead of waiting for a great offer from someone else to come along. I call men when I’m interested because I now know that a watched phone never rings. I find ways to fulfill myself in my career; I don’t wait for a boss to suddenly realize my great potential. I know what’s important to me and I go after it.

I guess the key to my happiness is plain and simple. I’ve grown a little older and a lot more nearsighted. And I’m not reaching for my glasses quite as much anymore.